Not sure why I'm starting this blog, not in a very bloggy mood tonight.. but will see how it goes..!

Yesterday was great, went swimming again and not so self concious, even went to the upper area (involving having to get out of pool and walk up stairs to baby pool & spa... without too much persuasion at all. Hubby didn't even cover me! It was good. Really enjoyable and my wee girl is getting more confident in the water too which is great.

Today we went to see In The Night Garden live. It was actually really good! We parked in town and decided to walk to the park where it was taking place. 10 minute walk I was told by silly hubbie... it was a 30 minute walk and I was knackered by the end!! But I also enjoyed it. He said "we'll get a taxi back" but I wanted to walk back!! Shocked hubbie that did I think, lol.

Oh and crumbs alive, there has been mothership action a go-go. What follows are two emails. One from mothership and my response. Crumbs indeed but here we go..

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From: Mothership
To: Me & my sister

OK my girls
Please don't go off the deep end! I've booked two places on this course in the hope that you two might attend. Please check out the links and give it some serious thought.

I met X after one of her concerts a couple of years ago and have followed her progress since. She did a series of motivational workshops which were highly acclaimed. She is extremely entertaining, and, if nothing else, you'd have a bundle of laughs throughout the day! I hope you'd come away with a bit more than that, though.

I am so pleased at the way you two darling girls are living your lives - and this despite having a nut of a mother!

Allow me, please, to offer you something a bit different for a day - let me know asap. If you want to go ahead, I'll send your details on to and thereafter, you'll hear from her directly - I'm not attending and it has nothing at all to do with me - I haven't said that you are my daughters so it's totally anonymous.

I love you very much and I'm well aware of being a bit clumsy at times in the way I deal with issues among us. My intentions are pure though and I want nothing but the best for you.

My love to you always
Mum xxxxx
Mum,

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From: Me
To: Mothership

What makes you think that I would want to go to a course like this? I get that you have heard her and like her and I'm sure that this is something worthwhile for those who are into this kind of thing. It's also all day on a Saturday. I would rather spend the day with Simon and Ruby or indeed you and Lorna, or indeed down the pub!

Now, let me offer you some insight. Stop trying so hard. There is no need. Lorna and I love you very much. What gets to me is your constant (well intentioned) interference and over reactions. Something I know which has never changed... you may indeed remember being referred to as "O.R." when we were younger. Standing of course for "Over Reactor". Some things never change(!) However, Lorna and I have grown up and are ourselves adults now and need to be trusted to live our lives the way we wish to. Yes you are still our mother, but it is also your time to enjoy your life properly without constant worry, which is something you seem unable to let yourself do. You and Derick are married and happy so enjoy each other. Lorna and I are still here and will enjoy time more with you that is not about forcing things to go your way all the time, such as making us feel guilty for not going along to things, etc.

This is not me going off the deep end. It is about trying to get it through to you that I am fine. You need not worry.

Yes, I told you that you pissed me off. Here is why:

You were having Ruby for two nights. I asked for her to come home early when I spoke to you on the Thursday night. She was not herself and I was worried about her. You agreed and said you would feel exactly the same and would bring her home to me on Friday. I spoke to you on Friday morning, could tell you were trying to get me to change my name by constantly repeating the same questions and saying how well you looked after her (that was not in any doubt). You even asked if I was worried about her being around Floyd what with all the dog stories in the news. No mum. Not at all. Never entered my head (but perhaps another example of you making an assumption/being paranoid perchance?!) I was able to tell you the night before and re-confirm at that point that I was simply worried about her, she had not been herself and I would rather she was with me. End of. You agreed to bring her down and when you did you made it clear you had gone out of your way to do that and you were not happy about that. Now, in my opinion that is your problem, not mine. You agreed with me and said to me you would bring her down. At no time did you say otherwise. If that was not what you wanted you should have said and I would gladly of come up to collect her.

A couple of days before you had spoken to Simon on the 'phone and said how I had put so much weight on recently and was I ok. Not only was that going behind my back - you could have spoken to me about that yet didn't. Although we have discussed it in the past... So I told you that yes I was unhappy about you doing that and in fact the last time I had seen you I had lost weight, not put it on. So trying to reconcile what you had said to Simon and me on that Friday was hard to do. As you had in fact said that day I looked like I'd lost weight.

To mention only a couple of examples...

I say that not to hurt you, not to have a go, but to try and show you how your reactions and actions are somewhat unpredictable. Yes, you say you are only doing it through the best intentions but my goodness you have a weird way going about things.

Now, we're having a week off. Enjoying it. Going to see In the Night Garden this afternoon and have been swimming lots already. (Wee girl) had a fall upstairs and has a lovely big bruise on her eye and cheek. BUT WE ARE FINE! No lovely coffees in gorgeous little places that we 'just have to see' to believe, but still living the dream going about our day to day lives without any rose tinted angles or glasses or going to any great lengths, just enjoying. So if you phone to ask what we're up to and I don't tell you that we're setting the world alight with our antics, please do not make me feel guilty about it okay...

With that said, I love you. NOW CHILL THE F**K OUT.

I have left (sister) copied in. We have no secrets okay. (Sister) is 20, doing great and having a ball. For a 20 year old and 29 year old to be totally umbilocorded up to their mother still is a frightening thought and certainly not a reality. That is something you should be proud of yourself about not constantly worrying or fussing about okay.

While I'm on it, perhaps still being up at quarter to one in the morning is a factor into your tiredness? So take some proper time for you and enjoy your own time and not constantly worrying about us or whatever you worry about okay. We could of told you all the over the phone or in person but have chosen to reply through the medium of email.

You do not have to check up on me/us 24/7.

Rona

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So there you have it.

Repercussions... no doubt but it had to be said.... views welcome. Oh what have I done?