2 in one day!

Another entry in the same day, cripes I'm in a chatty mood today!

Weigh in went well, I lost another 7.5lbs, which is great. The class was quite small tonight, started off with 5 of us, while waiting to get weighed the women were all going on about how hard it is, how much they had been eating in the lead up to tonight's class... I found that really hard. I have worked so hard to get myself into a place where I can do this. I don't want to risk losing my mojo by listening to them. So rude or not, I tuned out and read some success stories... By the time class got started there was just me and this other woman. She as older than me and was so negative and down and I recognised myself in her probably about 3/4 weeks ago. We were talking about what we wanted to change. What we wanted to stop, do more of and start. My 'stops' were stop wasting time, stop looking backwards, stop the negative thinking, stop being unrealistic and stop second guessing what people are thinking about me. My 'do more ofs' were: keep focussed, open and honest, positive thinking, recognising automatic thoughts, more 'me' time/self care and of course my current mantra of "fake it until you make it". I want to 'start' exercising, going out and be more accepting of myself. So it was a useful class and just what was needed. The other woman got a lot out of what I had to say... i'm only glad i could help someone. She was quite eeksome though, like a scary lady. She told me that she was 42 and was able to just not really care about what people thought.. now that scare's the crap out of me. She was so stand offish at first and downright rude but I guess that was a cover for her own insecurities really. Yes I want to focus less on what I think people are thinking about me, but not stop caring altogether, that would be awful.

Anyways, people are starting to notice a difference in me, especially around my face. Well excuse me but I have lost from other places too but short of pulling my top up and showing them I guess that will have to wait a while for some notice. For pulling my top up to bare my midrif would never happen!!

One of the things that stopped me before I think was putting some pressure on myself. All the time thinking I'll lose x amount of weight for x reason. Then that date would come and go and I'd not lose any weight, in fact I'd have heaped it on.

So this time I have clicked into what I did the first time, I'm doing it just for me. Yes others will benefit but I'm doing it for me primarily.

It's strange, even now, when I've just come home from class having lost weight and feeling really good about it, I have this 'want' in me to reach out for food. This is a good experiment though. Why... the feeling is in my throat, not my tummy or anything. That's strange actually. It's just a habit, something ingrained so deep in me that i reach out for food in times of change or anything for any reason. If in doubt seek out food!

So anyways, to keep my focus I'm going to try and re-introduce exercise into my daily routine. I loved it when I was really into it, going to gym classes and going to the gym three or four times a week. It might take me a while but I am convinced I will get back into it and start getting my fitness levels up. Walking is much easier now. Holy crap, how bad does that sound? Bloody hell just walking is an improvement, what the fudge have I been thinking about while I've been pilling on the weight. I am actually repulsed by myself just thinking about that, but that's all in the past, things can only get better.

Anyways, going to get off now.